7 Things to Remember If You're Going to the Big Apple BBQ Block Party

The BigApple BBQ Block Party is an event at Madison Square Park in NYC. They gather 17 of the best pitmasters in the country and feed us cityfolks some of the best BBQ available. It's going on today and tomorrow. I've been going to the Big Apple BBQ for a few years running now. I thought it might be a nice thing for me to share some of the things I've learned over those years. Things that make for a more pleasant experience while dining on the slowly, lovingly smoked flesh of dead animals. Here are the Top 7 things to remember while going to the BBQ Apple BBQ Block Party. (I left off “get a FastPass because I thought it was too obvious. If it's not too obvious consider that 1A.)

1. Horde napkins, wet naps and forks...you'll need 'em. You'll forget to take 'em at every other stand so it's better to just have extra.


2. Always keep a bottle of water handy. You'll be eating meat for hours and need something to wash it down with. Don't waste your time on the beer lines. They're long and you can only drink in designated areas in the park. Just not worth the effort. You can always take a break from eating and go across the street to Live Bait if you really need a frosty beverage.


3. Don't bitch about lines. We're all waiting. Put a smile on your face, talk to your neighbors. Maybe you'll make a new friend. You've already got something in common...you're carnivores.
4. Don't bother with most of the NY stands. You can get that anytime. Except the Blue Smoke beef rib, that sucker is fantastic!


5. Get a picture with Ed Harris...he's fucking cool!


6. Wear comfortable footwear. Plan on standing the whole time you're there. There isn't much bench space and going into the park to find a spot on the lawns in ridiculous. Suck it up and use your legs, that's what they're for. Besides, it can't hurt to be burning all the calories you're consuming as you go, can it? Don't be a douchey chick and wear heels to something like this. You're going to be standing in a crowd for hours eating...sneakers is the way to go.


6A. Leave your babies and dogs at home! I know you all love your kids and puppies, but they don't belong in crowds like this. Getting slammed in the back of my knees with a stroller or getting tangled in someone's dog's leash sucks. It's going to suck even more if I can't see your lil dog and I kick him accidentally or spill a plate full of hot ribs on your baby. And I promise I'll walk away from that encounter guilt free, because it wasn't me that choose to put your dog or baby in that bad situation. In the baby's case, maybe I'll offer a wetnap.

7. DON'T EAT THE BREAD! No reason, it just takes up space in your gut. (Yes, if you're at a BBQ eating event...you don't have a belly or a stomach, you have a gut. No, it doesn't matter if you're thin or not. You have a “gut”...accept that shit and move on.)

There you go, folks. A few helpful hints to make your day of carnivorous delight a more pleasant one. Hope I get to see you there with a smudge of BBQ sauce on your cheek, a bottle of water in your pocket and a smile on your face.