Act I
Stately Sletholt Manor,
Christmas 2012
Mike
Merry Christmas, Gina. I
figured since it's been a little while since we've gotten to go out
for steak and whiskey, a gift certificate to Dylan Prime would
motivate us to get back into our lil tradition.
Gina
Great
idea! I can't wait to go. It's been too long.
Act
II
On
the phone, May 2013
Gina
I
can't seem to get through to Dylan Prime on the phone or online to
make a reservation.
Mike
That
doesn't make any sense. There's got to be some reason.
-Pause-
Shit,
it looks like they were shut down for back taxes and now they're
staying closed until the end of the year for renovations.
Gina
Well,
we'll just go someplace else for now. And hopefully they actually do
re-open.
Act
III
Dylan
Prime Steakhouse, January 2014
Gina
I can't believe we're finally here.
Mike
I know. I was starting to think we'd never make it here.
Mike opens the door.
Gina walks in. (Yes I'm clearly going to be skipping some parts of
the narrative because this isn't really a play. It's a restaurant
review. Come on, folks...keep up.)
Hostess
Let me show you to your table.
Coats, scarves and
hats are removed. Chairs are pulled out. Asses are put on chairs.
Enthusiastic
Waitress
Hi, my name is Enthusiastic Waitress (I don't remember her name, sue
me.) Here are some menus. Just to let you know, any of the steaks
cuts that serve 2 generally take about 45 minutes or so from when you
order them. Some people get a little cranky about waiting so we try
to let our diners know ahead of time.
Gina
Oh, that's fine. We'll certainly fill the time with appetizers and
booze.
EW
Oh,
that's great. I'll go get you some water and be right back to take
your drink orders.
Some lovely
conversation about how to cure cancer, the role of the industrial
revolution in turn of the century America on the changing roles of
women and how it could be painful it could be to have sex while having a cracked
rib.
EW
Have you guys settled on drinks?
Gina
I think we have. I'm going to try Drink A (I don't remember what the
damn drinks were called and can't find a cocktail menu online. But
this one was bourbon based.)
Mike
And I'm going with B (This one was rye and absinthe based). We're
going to need a few more minutes for the food though.
EW
No problem. Take your time. I'll be back with your drinks.
Some more lovely
conversation about socio-political problems of Bay Ridge people ages
30-45.
EW
Here's your drinks. Enjoy!
Mike
(to EW) Thank you so much (to Gina) We should probably start
checking out the menu.
Gina
Oh right. Just a few more minutes please. Thanks.
Mike
Before
you go, we have a question. What are Potatoes Aligot?
EW
Oh,
they're wonderful. They're almost like a potato fondue. It's a
combination of potatoes, cream and cheese.
Mike and Gina
Oh,
we'll be getting that. (We both may have drooled here.)
EW
The
charred Brussels sprouts are really good too.
Mike
Then
we'll also be getting that.
We discussed the
pros and cons of grass-fed over non grass-fed beef. Whether it was
socially responsible to order non-sustainable seafood. How much we
love drinking whiskey. Then we ordered a bunch of food and drank our
drinks while further commenting on the ways of the world.
Gina
“A” (I can't remember the names of the damn drinks and can't find their cocktail menu online. I know, I know...I suck.) is really good. It's almost like a very refreshing iced
tea...just with bourbon in it.
Mike
“B” is almost like a manhattan with the extra evil of absinthe in
it. Just a slight licorice taste. I like this.
Gina
I really like the way this place looks. The dark wood on the ceiling
and all the glass is classic steakhouse and modern at the same time.
And I really like that big painting of gray canvas with a red stripe
at an angle. (She's got weird taste.)
Mike
It is a really cool combination of classic and modern. I like the
exposed brick in that back room. And I'm pretty sure I could paint
that painting. You've got weird taste.
Gina
Oh whatever. Did you notice how empty it seems in here? You'd think
they'd be busier at 7pm on a Friday night.
Mike
It does seem awfully quiet. Most of the staff don't really seem to
have much to do.
The
water glasses are refilled and the drink glasses have vanished.
Mike
Did you see any one take those glasses?
Gina
No
Mike
I think the busboy might be a ninja.
We discuss the
effects of a 1-yr-old on the lives of the parents. The difference in
reading a digitial book compared to paper. (We're both pro-paper,
while I'm slightly more accepting of digital books. Not that you
care.) Appetizers arrive and we smile as though we've just spotted
easy prey.
Mike
This octopus is so good. (Charred octopus with cauliflower,
fingerling potatoes, celery, dried olives and chilies) Very tender.
Gina
The pork belly is pretty good too. (Pork belly with celeriac, green
apple and mustard glaze) Although the apples are a little strange.
Mike
The
apples are a bit strange. This really kind of tastes like a spare
rib. I think I'd have been happier with a giant piece of slab bacon.
We order more
drinks. We talk about whether Kant or Neitzche is the more important
philosophical mind. Has the introduction of money soiled the
democratic process or has money always been a central point? Grilled
cheese is fucking awesome!
EW
Here
you go folks. (Placing our porterhouse for two, potatoes aligot,
charred brussels sprouts and roasted mushrooms on the table) Can I
get you another drink?
Gina
Definitely.
(Looking at my as yet unfinished drink) What's taking you so long?
That's just disappointing.
Mike
I
promise. It'll be done before you get back with the new drinks.
EW
(Laughing at us)
OK...enjoy!
We
attack with the ferocity of leopards on the Serengeti.
 |
| Photo by the divine Gina Marie |
The
truffle butter on the steak is amazing. Such a tender piece of meat.
Gina
Look
at the size of that bone. That porterhouse bone is huge. It's
really good even without the butter on it.
Mike
The
Brussels sprouts are really good too. They're in some kind of
balsamic vinaigrette. The mushrooms are just OK. Wow, you're right,
these potatoes are excellent.
Water glasses are
filled. Drink glasses are taken away.
Gina
The
ninja took the glasses again.
Mike
Man,
that guy is sneaky.
Gina
Did
you notice that it seems to have picked up in here?
Mike
Yeah,
I guess dinner time is closer to 9pm than 7pm and artsy Tribeca.
The meal is devoured
with classy gusto. The last of the food has been conquered and we
stare at the remains of our fallen foe and the Enthusiastic Waitress
returns.
EW
Here's
a dessert menu and a cordial and dessert wine menu. Our cheese
course comes with...
Mike
Oh,
she's definitely going to want a real dessert. No way she's going
with a cheese plate.
Gina
(Giggling)
Oh shut up...can we split the Chocolate Hazelnut Mousse?
Mike
(to
EW) Told ya. (to Gina) Of course. (to EW) And I'll definitely need
another drink.
EW
Excellent.
I'll be right back.
At
this point we're 5 whiskey drinks and half of a cow into the evening.
We were down to talking about boobs and nipples.
Dessert
arrives.
Mike
This
is really good. Like really classy Nutella.
Gina
Yeah,
I like. But it's so rich.
We eat our super
Nutella and pay the bill. Start putting on our armor to protect us
from the cold.
Mike
I
really like this place. I'm glad we finally made it here.
GinaMe
too. I'd definitely come back.
Mike and Gina exit
Dylan Prime and brave the cold streets of Tribeca in search of the
next whiskey bar.
*Some
of the conversations described may have been slightly altered.
62
Laight Street
New
York, NY, 10013
212-334-4783
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